Paranoia?

So today my breast feel better and the last 2 days I have had much less queasiness.  Of course the first thing I think of is that something is wrong.  Then I think, I finally bought some new bras to shoulder these things and maybe they hurt less because they have proper support now.  And I started taking my prenatal vitamins in the evening before bed, so that probably has more to do with the less queasiness.  But now I am counting down the days to my next ultrasound and dr visit on the 28th- because I will be at 12 weeks then and through one major hurdle- the first trimester. 

This has actually been a bittersweet last week.  I shared the news with my sister-in-law last week and she said oh my god we're pregnant too.  My husband's brother and his wife are due January 3 with their 1st child.  We are due January 10th.  I am super excited for them but seriously I have had a pit in my stomach since then.  I have thought - what if something happens to our baby, how will I cope with seeing her pregnant and then the baby growing.  That thought really scares me.  I wish the timing was off a little more.  I am not sure how to handle this right now.  At least they live in another state, so we don't have to compare notes or anything every day.  I hope they have a healthy and happy baby - but I hope we are able to get there too.    And I hope they understand that I have to keep myself a little distant in these moments. 

I have become paranoid about most things now, which I think is normal for most of us moms who have been through this before.  I told my boss I cannot fly after 24 weeks for work.  I don't walk at lunchtime anymore here because it is about 95 degrees and humid and I don't want to feel overheated.  I watch everything I eat and put into my body, on my body or use in my house.  I have become a freak about germs and I carry a bottle of sanitizer with me in the car so I can "wipe" down my daughter when I pick her up from preschool.  My husband thinks this is all pretty funny because I am usually someone who takes those things with a grain of salt.  I just feel like this is the last time I will be pregnant no matter what happens, so I want to do everything I can to ensure that me & this baby are healthy for as long as possible.

This is Really Going to Happen, I think?

Sorry it has been so long since I have written, but it has been crazy. I traveled all of last week. But I did get to have some fun time.

I had a mediation in North Carolina on June 2 & 3, so I met one of my friends for Memorial Day weekend in Myrtle Beach, SC. She lives in Houston and me in Tampa, so it was great to see each other. On Memorial day, I scheduled prenatal massage for me and a regular massage for her at a spa. But when I got there they told me they would not do a prenatal massage because I was less than 12 weeks. WTF! I was really looking forward to it. And you think they would have asked me how far along I was when I made the appointment. But rather than give up, I decided to get an hour long facial, which was great. And my skin looks glowing this week.

Then I rushed back to Florida on the 3rd, only to have to leave for a conference on the 4th. Luckily it was in Florida, just a few hours away. But the conference was full of drinking, fishing and socializing- not any of which are fun for a queasy pregnant lady. Obviously no drinking here- except lots of water. I did try to go tarpon fishing at 3:00 am on Saturday morning with some colleagues, but that didn't work so well.

I do not generally get sea sick. I am a certified scuba diver and love the ocean. Yet, the waves and boat along with my pregnancy queasiness didn't mix. After 2 hours I was puking over the side of the boat. Luckily, on my boat, were 2 women and a guy who really didn't seem into the fishing thing either, so we headed back to shore where I continued my feeling of yuck all day.

Yesterday, I went for my second ultrasound and regular checkup. I was so nervous. I am glad ultrasound was first since my heartrate was up and my blood pressure was up to 130/75- which is high for me. But there we saw it- the heartbeat again. It amazes me everytime. It was 173 which is good and strong for 9 weeks. Everything looked good and fetus is measuring right on size for the time. And speaking with my doctor again really helped. The first time, I was so worried about a miscarriage or something being wrong that I didn't think of all the right questions. Yesterday, I had my list and so for the first time, I feel calm and relaxed about this whole pregnancy thing. Maybe this will really happen this time~!