To Shop or Not to Shop?

My title for this post may seem like a no-brainer but not for a woman who has been through the sort of things I have. I know I already wrote a post today, but needed to vent a bit. Today, we went shopping. We were at baby Gap getting a few things for my 2 year old daughter, when I saw a cute couple of baby outfits and picked them up in my arm.

My husband asked if I really wanted to start buying anything yet. He was not being mean, just trying to be practical and make sure I was ok with it. In reality I am not, so I put the things back. But when I got home I definitely felt guilty. With my DD, I started buying things right away. In fact, when anyone in my family, friends announces their pregnant, I start stocking up. So I feel cheated that I have to ponder the question of whether or not to buy any new things for this baby. I mean, when does the fear end. Right now it is still really early, but come 2nd trimester am I still not supposed to feel connected or start trying to prepare?

I don't know what is worst- enjoying the pregnancy and then something bad happening, or not enjoying it and then feeling horrible regardless of whether baby is fine or not. I haven't figured this out yet and I don't think I will.

So tonight I have decided to allow myself to splurge once in a while out of hope, but not go too crazy just yet. If something bad happens, then I will donate the items to a local women's shelter. That way, I don't miss out on anything and if something bad happens then I have a way on honoring this baby with something good.