Maybe sometimes things happen for a reason

It's amazing how many choices we make that affect our lives. Maybe it is just the way they are supposed to happen. At the time I had my daugher in 2008, we lived a little bit out in the country in Connecticut. I worked in Hartford, CT about an hour a way. I had a miscarriage about 6 months before we got pregnant with my daughter. We had just moved back to the Northeast from Texas, so I had a new doctor I had never been to. I started spotting at about 10 days after I took pregnancy test- this was before my 1st prenatal appointment was scheduled, so I called and they told me to come in on Monday- which was 4 days later. I waited for almost 2 hours in a crowded waiting room to pee in a cup. Then the nurse- not the doctor- called me into the hallway. Apparently all the rooms were full, so instead of bringing me in an office, they told me in the hallway- that I must have had an early miscarriage.

After that, I refused to use that doctor. I learned that they were the biggest OB/GYN group in the surrounding area near my house, so I began looking for a doctor closer to my work in a bigger City. I hadn't really figured out what I would do if I actually got pregnant, but I refused to see any of those doctors at that practice again.

After interviewing a few doctors, I found a practice I loved. A few months later, I was pregnant. I think everyday that my early miscarriage saved my daughter's life. My doctors were wonderful. They explained everything thoroughly throughtout the whole pregnancy. They did not take chances with anything. I had a circumvalle placenta - so even thought there was nothing they could really do about it except sit and wait, they walked me through it and made sure I had regular ultrasounds. Nothing ever came of that.

I was really sad that my husband was offered a job in Wisconsin in my 2nd trimester, because I wanted them to deliver my baby. So I found a doctor in WI (one I turned out not to like after postpartum visit). But right before I was scheduled to leave CT for WI, I felt off. Looking back, I see that I had severe headaches. But I was under a lot of stress. My husband was in another state, it was winter time in New England and I had a 60 minute commute back and forth to my high pressure job. I was trying to find a house in WI, all the while showing our house in CT. I thought the headaches were just stress headaches. But I called my doctor on Wed and said I just want to come in one last time before I leave for WI. Just to make sure everything was ok.

By the time I went in, my urine was brown. My kidneys and liver started failing. I never remember having the upper right quadrant pain associated a lot with HELLP syndrome. But I had a backache- probably from the kidney issues. As soon as I walked into the doctor, they took me in immediately, since I did not look well. My urine had protein in it- which is a bad sign. Additionally, my blood pressure was skyrocketing.

My doctor- who I loved- immediately sent me over to the hospital across the street. Within 6 hours, I was delivering my daughter by emergency C-section at a hospital with a NIC unit- which would have not happened if I went to hospital closer to my house.

Sometimes I feel jealous about how easy others have it in pregnancy. But other times, I think how all the stars must have lined up for my daughter. - That is, the miscarriage caused me to find a doctor that actually listened to me, that was aware of what seemed right for me and not. That doctor was affiliated with a hospital who provided me excellent care. I listen to other women who have had HELLP or Preeclampsia and many of them didn't even know they had it until they had their medical records. Not me- my doctor kept me informed the whole time- I knew exactly what was going on and how serious it was. I am thankful for that everyday, since I am the type of person that can deal with almost anything if I know exactly what is happening. Hell, maybe I may not have even called my doctor if I was not moving out of town and would have tried to wait until my next appointment- which could have been a disaster for me & my daughter.

So with the last 2 miscarriages I have had and now this pregnancy, I am trying to keep an open perspective that maybe god does have a plan for me. My last miscarriage forced me to lose some of the baby weight because I just wanted to have something to take control of. I had been running and walking almost 40 miles a week since January and my doctor said I can continue as long as I am comfortable doing it. This has made a big difference in how I feel. I also started eating healthier- which might also be what I need for this pregnancy.

Maybe at the end of the day, things really do happen for a reason. I hope so because I really look forward to this being an uneventful and healthy pregnancy.